Mindfulness? Meh. Gratitude? Gross. Breathwork? Boring.
Updated: 5 days ago
So here's the thing about mindfulness and gratitude and all that: they totally work. But here's the other thing about them: They aren't right for everyone.
If you've ever had a kneejerk "ugh, no." reaction to being told that you need to be mindful, do meditation or breathwork, practice gratitude, etc., then you are correct! It's probably not the right tool for you!
Let's take a step back and look at what these sorts of practices actually do. Why would someone choose to try mindfulness, etc.?
There's a few things it can help with, including but certainly not limited to:
Nervous system regulation
Feeling more calm and at peace
Recovery after a stressful event
Mood regulation
Does that mean you can never find calm and peace if you don't like doing mindfulness?
VERY NOPE!
These are not the only tools out there for finding calm and nervous system regulation. They're just the ones that people tend to talk about online.
Finding tools that work for you
There are SO many different tools you can use to help you find calm! You just have to figure out what kind of things your body and mind respond to. If you'd like help with that, this is something we can explore in coaching. It's also entirely possible to do this on your own.
A great place to start is this list of 101 Grounding Exercises.
Remember that not everything on this list will be helpful for you. The goal is to find the things that are.
Step 1: Go through the list and cross off anything that sounds awful and you don't want to do. You don't have to do those!
Step 2: Try them out
Maybe you only do them when you're having a rough day. Maybe you try one every day. Whatever frequency works for you is fine. Whenever you want to do a calming activity, pull out the list and pick something that appeals to you right now.
Step 3: Build your own list
Every time you try a technique, pay attention to how you feel before, and how you feel after. It can be useful to use a mood gauge like this:
Did it help? Awesome, that goes on your own personal list of tools that can help.
Was it pointless? You don't ever have to do it again.
Step 4: Use your tools
Next time you're in a rough place, you'll have your own personal list of tools that you've actually tried and you know work for you.
But I hate having a list
This is something I struggled with - I don't like picking from long lists.
There's lots of ways to do this besides a list. A few ideas:
Write your list on pieces of paper and put them in a box or jar
Use a randomizer app.
Whatever you use, remember that this is for you. If the tool you pull from the jar (or whatever) doesn't appeal to you right now? Don't do it! Put it back and try again until you find one that works for you in the moment.
In fact, that's a good rule of thumb for this. If you don't like a thing? DON'T DO IT! This is for your benefit and no one else's. Do what's right for you.
Developing your own tools
After a while you'll start to get the sense of what sort of things help you. For example, I have found that the tools that work best for me are generally in a few categories:
stuff that uses my brain, like puzzles and thought exercises
stuff that makes me laugh
stuff that is physical
being outside
After figuring this out, I was able to make up some of my own tools that work well for me, like juggling, eating frozen cherries, and going for walks in the woods.
These days, I have enough experience with calming tools that I don't need the list anymore. When I'm feeling stressed or overstimulated I just do one of the activities that I know helps me. With practice, you can get there too!
